These are tips that were written by a parent and reviewed by siblings of different Holland Bloorview clients. This resource is meant to share tips on how to best support siblings of someone with a disability. Think about your own tips or experiences that you can add to your copy of this tip sheet. Every family is different!
Special note: Holland Bloorview’s Family Resource Centre hosts a Sibling Workshop every year. Feel free to contact: resourcecentre@hollandbloorview.ca if you are interested in attending!
Tips | Reasons | How-to |
Provide information about the diagnosis or medical condition | - Provides knowledge of what the disability or medical condition is and what to expect
- Helps to reassure the sibling and helps them to answer the questions they get from others
| - Give clear, age appropriate information and explanations
- Make sure sibling understands that no one is to blame for their sibling’s disability
- Help sibling find ways to explain the disability to their peer
|
Encourage open family discussions about siblings’ feelings and concerns | - Allows siblings to talk about both positive and negative feelings
- Provides a chance to talk about ways to handle stressful events such as: stigma, bullying, peers and public reactions
| - Recognize child’s feelings and concerns
- Expect and acknowledge that child may have different emotions related to their sibling’s disability, and that it’s okay
- Try to share your time equally between your children
|
Set reasonable expectations for all of your children in the family | - Allows each sibling to learn and get involved when they are ready
- Helps your sibling child to reflect on similarities and differences to their sibling with a disability
- Prevents sibling from feeling like they have to somehow achieve for their sibling with a disability
- Helps teach independence in the child with a disability so that each child can be an individual
| - Ask each child what they think you can expect from them – include them in the process
- Understand that each child has different strengths and needs
- Make sure that you give clear and reasonable expectations to ALL of your children (including the child with the disability)
- Recognize the accomplishments of each child
- Provide ongoing support to all of your children and keep the door open to conversation
- Explain that expectations can change and evolve
|
Allow and encourage siblings to be children | - Siblings are children too and need time to play and live their own lives
- Prevents too much responsibility put on child to have to care for their sibling with a disability
- Allows them to see the importance and value of taking time for themselves
- Helps your sibling child to develop their own identity and interests
| - Make sure there is dedicated time that is just for the sibling (whether it is time with their friends or time with you)
- Do not expect your sibling child to take adult roles, but rather discuss different roles in the family at a time that is dedicated for a conversation like this one
- Do not make child think that they will be the only one responsible for the sibling with a disability in the future
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Find appropriate ways to have siblings take part in caring for the child with a disability | - Your child can provide valuable ideas
- Your child is an important member of the sibling with a disability’s care team
- Siblings will be in the lives of the sibling with a disability longer than anyone else
| - Share up-to-date information in a simple way with your child so that they can help to make family decisions
- Encourage your child to observe their sibling with a disability in therapy or in a learning setting
- Prepare your child for changes in home life before they happen
|
Provide appropriate supports to siblings | - Your child will share many of the same concerns as parents of children with disabilities, but also have their own concerns or worries as siblings of children with disabilities
- Provide child with the chance to discuss feelings with other siblings in the community - which may be difficult to talk about to the family
- Many siblings often grow up without resources to support them
- Siblings need the same kind of peer support that parents get from parent support groups
- Siblings need to understand that it is okay to take care of themselves as well
| - Ask siblings if they want to meet other siblings of people with disabilities and let them decide if this is something that they want
- If the child does not want to join a group yet, keep the door open to discuss it when they’re ready
- Provide opportunities for child to get support – going to Sibling workshops or Young Carers Program if they wish
- Let teachers know what is happening so that they can provide the appropriate supports to all your children
- Model self-care as a parent
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Last updated by a two siblings and Family Support Specialist in 2018