How to make your 'spooky' moments more fun

By Anchel Krishna

Have you ever got a parenting moment so wrong that it taught you a big lesson?

For us, it happened on Halloween years ago. Our daughter Syona, then still young, told us she didn’t want to go trick or treating. She wanted to stay home and give out candy. 

We didn't listen. 

Instead, we insisted on taking her out. The weather was miserable and she cried the whole time, creating major stress for everyone. We headed home after visiting only a handful of houses. Once inside, she asked again if she could help give out candy. We said yes and her mood immediately brightened. 

We had been so focused on what we thought Syona should experience that we didn’t stop to see what she actually wanted. Looking back, I realize we were holding on to an idea of what childhood should look like, rather than meeting her where she was.

Syona is now 15. She has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair full time. Ever since that Hallmark moment (not!) years ago we ask Syona what she thinks she will enjoy, and let her decide. Does she want to dress up, attend inclusive Halloween events, go neighbourhood trick or treating, give out candy or simply ignore that it's Halloween altogether? In recent years we have done each one of these things, and occasionally a combo of almost all of them.

One year Syona wanted to go trick or treating but it involved lots of steps up to doorbells. We adapted by having Syona’s little sister navigate the stairs, point out Syona, and collect candy for her. 

Another year, Syona decided she wanted to hand out treats. We set up a table at the bottom of our driveway and she smiled and laughed while giving out fistfuls of candy to neighbourhood kids. 

A year later, she decided she didn’t want to do anything at all. No costumes, no candy, no celebration. At first, I felt a little sad. I wondered if she was missing out. But we respected her choice, and she spent the evening contentedly doing her own thing. 

Last year she attended an inclusive Halloween event and instead of participating in the activities she decided to help greet families at the welcome table. 

Sonya's best Halloween happened during the pandemic. Our neighbourhood decided to hold a driveway Halloween. Families set up tables at the end of their driveways that were spaced out and well-lit. Kids could roll or walk from house to house, collect candy, and chat with friends. Adults could connect and enjoy the evening as well. It was easy, calm and fun. 

What I’ve learned is that transitions don’t look the same for every family. For some kids, Halloween naturally fades away as they get older. For others, it shifts into something new. And for children with disabilities, those transitions can look very different. The options available, their accessibility, and the energy it takes to participate all shape how and whether they want to join in.

Here are a few suggestions:

Ask what your child wants

It sounds simple, but it’s easy to forget. When Syona was younger, we made the decision for her. Now we ask, “What do you feel like doing this year?” Sometimes the answer surprises us but it’s always better when the choice is hers.

Expand your idea of participation

Halloween doesn’t have to mean collecting candy door-to-door. It could mean handing it out, helping decorate, hosting friends, going to a community event or dressing up just for fun. 

Challenge the idea of being "too old"

I often hear people say teens shouldn’t trick or treat. I disagree. If a young person of any ability wants to dress up and be part of the night, I’m happy to hand over some candy. Why not? It’s one of the few moments when kids of all ages can just be kids. Many kids with disabilities move through milestones on their own timelines. And who decided that certain experiences are limited to certain ages?

Think about accessibility from the start

The best Halloween we ever had was that driveway year. It was inclusive for everyone, not just for kids with disabilities. Simple changes like setting up tables, improving lighting or choosing flat, open spaces can make a big difference for kids who use mobility devices or need a calmer environment.

Embrace change, even when it feels bittersweet

It’s natural to feel nostalgic when your child grows out of something. I still smile when I remember the year Syona dressed up like a minion while her dad Dilip became Steve from Despicable Me. Dilip wore "minion Syona" in a baby carrier. And now, as she gets older, I’m proud of how excited she is to see her sister’s costume choice. Syona takes ownership of what she wants to do and how she wants to celebrate.

This year, I’m not sure what our Halloween will look like. Syona has already picked out a witch’s hat. We’ll see how it ends up being used! Regardless, it will find its place in our family’s Halloween memories. The details may change, but the sense of belonging remains.

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